According to the Washington Times and Fox News 5 DC, Virginia has been ranked the safest state if there were ever to be an alien invasion.
My journalism teacher brought this up to me and said I should write a story about it. He wrote on the board “Olivia: Alien”, and when I first saw it with no context, I thought he was calling me an alien. He might’ve been onto something– being an alien is basically the same thing as being a teenage girl. But I’m getting off topic.
Virginia has won the title of ‘Safest State for an Alien Invasion’. What state wouldn’t want that title? Sure other states like Massachusetts are known for being the best in education, but what is that compared to an alien invasion?
When an invasion finally happens, those Bay Staters will try to attack them with the “power of knowledge” by launching their precious first editions of Dickens novels, while us Virginians are lounging by the Rappahannock, sipping iced sweet tea out of the finest stemware around (mason jars).
There are many different aspects that influenced the rankings, such as population, number of caves, land covered by forests or bodies of water; and even UFOs.
Some of the factors seem reasonable, such as the nature aspect and population, but one could argue that UFOs aren’t real and shouldn’t be a factor. I graciously disagree.
I see UFOs almost every day driving down Route one. The ones that look like a Transformer that never transformed (sorry, I mean Cybertrucks). I’m waiting for the day I see one soar in the air with cows floating underneath the metallic obtuse box.
Come to think of it, maybe these Tesla UFOs could be helpful in case there is an invasion. We can use the scrap foil from those cars to make tin hats to avoid being brainwashed by the aliens.
Just because Virginia is the safest, doesn’t mean alien invasions won’t happen. I believe that those Cybertrucks are UFOs in disguise and are the alien’s way of slowly taking over America.
Despite this theory, Virginia will still survive. It’s already survived alien attacks, one taking place in January a few years back.
I feel lucky to live in the state known to be the safest from an alien invasion. I imagine meeting someone from California and them saying, “Hi, I’m from the Golden state,” and I come in and one-up them and say “Hi, I’m from the state that’s safest from an alien invasion!” Now that it’s written out I realize it’s a mouthful, but it’s worth it. Everyone from Virginia should introduce themselves like that.
Being completely free from aliens is a relief. Maybe now we can be free from these egg prices too. That would be out of this world.
