Monday, Aug 22, 9:04pm — A letter to C

Dear C, 

Does she make you happy? Did she promise you a creative gift every day? Has she made you a playlist? Does she try and shove your name wherever she can in a song? Does she give you everything you could want, just like I promised I would do? How many poems has she written you? 

Do you think of me when it thunders? Do you remember how I would text you from under my covers, scared, needing nothing more than your hug? Or is she afraid of thunder too? Have you rushed to take care of her, instantly forgetting about me? 

Whatever happened to that candle? Did you just give it to her? And now that I think about it, was I a fool to think that candle was originally supposed to be mine? What about all the little things I left my mark on? Can you walk past my job without thinking about me? Do you feel relieved when a door is “fire safe”, just like I nervously taught you?

Will you ever be able to look at a patch of clovers the same way again?

And what about me? You told me I was the prettiest girl in the world, but did you go back and say that to her? And what about my performances? Will you still come to those? Or does she have some sort of pottery showcase that you agreed to go to? 

Dear C, what does she have that I don’t? 

I wish you the best, 

Me.

Tuesday, Aug 23, 10:38pm 

I thought about it, and I realize that the world doesn’t revolve around me. She doesn’t need my permission to be with someone who makes her happy. And maybe this new girl is so nice, she made C’s past feel like nothing. Maybe she’s the one for C. 

It’s wrong for me to think that I’m some master skeleton key that can unlock any heart that I want. I don’t have to be loved by whoever I smile at. People have their own lives that let them make their own decisions. Yes, it hurts, thinking about someone you liked so much, but holding on to that memory won’t make C mine. 

Dear C, I am genuinely glad you’re happy. 

I wish you the best, 

Me.